| Home |
| MY fight |
| my experience |
| breast cancer facts |
| run for the cure |
| Easy living magazine |
| Breast-Feeding |
| My Second Diagnosis |
| My Blogspot |
| contact me |
Part One “In the Beginning”
My story starts with my mother explaining Breast Self Examination to me when I was about thirteen years old, she worked into the “Birds and the Bees” … My mother told me that it was time for me to take responsibility of my own breast health. Though she would have never believed that one day, her young daughter would have her own life, “in her own hands”. I thought that all mothers taught their daughters BSE as part of the “Facts of Life” talk, but unfortunately I was wrong. I’d like to encourage you talk openly with your children about what you hear today.
Through my teens I did my breast exams, I wasn’t doing them exactly right, but at least I was doing them. I knew what was normal for my breasts, even though a doctor never checked them. At the age of twenty I was to young to go for a mammogram, because mammograms are not as effective on young dense breast tissue, but I wasn’t to young to find a lump. I had no idea that a lump, only the size of a pea could cause so much fear. When I found it, I knew that it had never been there before. I was afraid.
I turned to doctors, hoping of course that they would tell me that I had nothing to worry about, and they did exactly that. The specialist that I met with told me that I wasn’t at risk and that I was far to young to be worrying about Breast Cancer. He said that it wasn’t necessary to do any tests because he felt certain that I had caused the breast lump to occur, by consuming too much caffeine. Like many other college students, caffeine had become a close and reliable friend of mine, so I believed him. I left that doctor’s office that day feeling foolish for making such a big deal over something so small. He was the third doctor to give me the same message. I needed to believe that what they told me was true.
Over the next year and a half I continued my BSE every month and every month I felt uneasy as the lump continued to remind me that it wasn’t going away. Then one day while doing my Breast Exam I noticed a second lump, in the same breast. I repeated in my mind over and over again what the doctor’s had all said to me,
“You are to young and you don’t have any risk factors.”
What we didn’t know then, was that my maternal grandmother had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of nineteen. She finally told us the whole truth after I was diagnosed. She had lived in fear of “it” all those years, “it” being cancer, and she had never told anyone. I forgave her, realizing of course that it was very typical of her generation, to keep such things a secret. But what she did do, that I’m very thankful for, is that she taught my mother the importance of taking responsibility for her own breast health and in turn my mother taught me. So, yes my Breast Cancer was genetically linked, but 90% of all Breast Cancer patients have no genetic history of Breast Cancer. Fortunately my grandmother and I both live today as Breast Cancer survivors.
Every time I felt that second lump, I would try to break off my relationship with caffeine, and I would notice that it was getting bigger, bigger than the first lump had ever been. I would repeat to myself,
“Feather you are not at risk of Breast cancer.”
I so badly needed to believe that was the truth, so I could hide my fear behind the myths. But soon I knew the reality.
At this point in my life I was twenty-two years old and single but with a steady boyfriend. I had finished college and was working as a fitness wear model, as an aerobics instructor and as a personal trainer. While working out I would often experience pain from the lump, which was now the size of a large marble, and I remembered that the Doctor had said that if it hurt then it wasn’t cancer. That was another myth.
I finally decided to go and see my doctor about the second lump and by this time I had changed doctors. He showed concern but told me the same things all over again, but what he did do that was different. He asked me to come back in three months for another check-up. He believed that the lump was a benign fibroadenoma, and he wanted to note any changes in it over the next three months.
When three months had passed, he was shocked to see that the mass had almost tripled in size; it was now the size of an egg. He sent me for an ultrasound immediately and had me in to see the surgeon right away. This surgeon assured me that it wasn’t cancerous but that they would remove it anyway because it was growing so quickly. They scheduled a procedure which I later learned was called a “lumpectomy”, I wish I had known then to ask for a little procedure called a “needle biopsy”. My biggest fear at that time was being left with a large scar. With my jobs of modeling and fitness instructing, I didn’t want to have a scar that would show. I was convinced that I had absolutely nothing else to worry about and the doctor promised to make as small of a scar as possible.
So when I awoke from my surgery and saw the very large incision, I was upset and when I asked why it was so big, all I was told was that the tumor was much larger than they had expected; it had grown to the size of a lemon. What I didn’t know at the time was that the lump had been sent to be tested, at the pathology lab. I wasn’t prepared, when my doctor’s receptionist called me and asked me to come in for an appointment. I thought I was just going in for a routine post-op check-up.
I knew very quickly that there was nothing routine about this appointment. The receptionist ushered me in as soon as I arrived, and the doctor was waiting in the room for me. Chances are if the Doctor is waiting for you, it isn’t good news. I knew that something was wrong by the look on his face and all the highlighted, circled and underlined papers that covered the examination bed. I saw the words, mastectomy, and Breast Cancer and breast reconstruction. I sat down, and he said to me,
“Feather, I got your pathology report back and I’m afraid we were wrong. I am, so sorry, the mass we removed from your breast was in fact an aggressively malignant tumor.”
My response was sarcastically, “Are you telling me now, that I have Breast Cancer?”
“Yes.” He said. “It is a very rare form of breast cancer and you are probably the only case I will see in my entire career.”
I’ll tell you now; it doesn’t feel very rare when you are sitting there being told it is in your own body. All of a sudden all of my fears were true, and the reality was that I had Breast Cancer. The tears started to flow and I was flooded with emotions, it was March 10th, 1995, a day I’ll never forget. I experienced the same familiar fear, on the morning of Sept. 11th, 2001 as I sat in front of my TV. The emotions of those two days had haunting similarities. I experienced fear, horror and disbelief as I desperately tried to take it all in. There was the realization that life would never be the same again. The overwhelming need to know more. To have my questions answered and to know why this had happened. I had the over powering urge to fight. I was in shock for days, numb after March the 10th, 1995, the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer and Sept 11th, 2001 the day the nation was shown the malignancy of terrorism.
I was crying out on the inside, “Please give me some HOPE!!” I said aloud to my doctor, “Is this going to take my life?
He said, unable to look me in the eye “Feather you have to believe you are going to be okay.”
Immediately, I leaned on my faith, on the support of those I loved and on the knowledge I was gaining about breast cancer and through it all I found hope, hope for the future, no matter how long that was going to be.
Part Three “Doing What Ever it Takes!”
I knew that I needed to surround myself with people who shared my vision of hope and were going to stick by me. I wanted people by me who would let me cry on their shoulder and would also laugh at all my jokes! I developed a wide repertoire of breast jokes, to ease the tension and severity of the situation. My friends showed their support of my sense of humor by throwing a party for me the night before my mastectomy. I got home that night to,
“SURPRISE!!”
I said, “What are ya guys doin’?!??”
“ We’re having a going away party for your BOOB!!”
Obviously they were an important part of the support system that I’d created for myself.
I’d had all the necessary tests done the CAT scan, the mammogram, the chest x-ray and the ultra sound. My mother went with me to the appointments and every time she was mistaken for the patient, not me! I even remember one nurse saying to my mom,
“Oh dear, you are so young to have Breast Cancer,” and my Mom said, while turning to me, wishing that it could be her and not me,
“I’m not the patient, my daughter is.” I’ll never forget the look on the nurse’s face nor on my mother’s; I knew then, by the look in her eye, that my MOM would have traded places with me in a minute.
While waiting in between tests, my mom and I would go to the Cancer Clinic Library, so I could get my hands on all of the information and literature I could find about Breast Cancer. I knew right away that information was power and it helped to give me some control back in an uncontrollable situation. I wanted to know everything. . I didn’t want to be ignorant of anything, that I was possibly going to experience. As I read, learned, and was able to find my own answers to my questions. The questions I couldn’t answer I wrote on a piece of paper and took to my appointments with me. My oncologist got use to the fact that I didn’t leave my appointment until all of my questions were answered and I’d written down the answers. I’d learnt to be bold with my Doctors and to demand that attention I had the right to, even if it meant, “ruffling a few feathers”!
I also always brought my Mom with me as a second set of ears to hear and a second set of hands to take notes. We didn’t want to miss anything. I encourage anyone in a similar situation to do the same thing, because there’s so much to take in and emotions can’t help but get in the way and cause you to miss important information.
I realized that by being empowered with knowledge the fear slowly started to fade away. Every journey of hope starts with fear and every diagnosis of cancer begins with fear. The fear comes from ignorance and Ignorance only breeds fear; But knowledge destroys ignorance and education fosters knowledge, therefore education alleviates fear and creates hope.
I also believe that love motivates you and faith inspires you and forgiveness keeps you a step ahead. So I figure there are four things you need on your journey; love, faith, hope and forgiveness. I had to forgive my doctors for not doing something sooner, I had to forgive myself for not knowing more about breast cancer from the start, for my Grandma not telling me about her diagnosis, and my boyfriend and certain friends who just couldn’t be there for me when I needed them. I realized that I didn’t have the time or energy to harbour bitterness, anger or regret, so I let it go. There were a number of coping mechanisms I used to help me cope, I wrote journals, read stories about cancer patients, I got professional counseling and joined a support group, prayed a lot and I allowed others to help me through it all.
Right from the moment of my diagnosis, I decided that I was going to have a future no matter what! It was then I became a SURVIVOR of breast cancer, being a survivor was an “attitude” not a title I earned after a designated period of time. I wasn’t going to wait to be called a Survivor, I already was! Now I see myself as not just surviving cancer, but THRIVING because of cancer!!
The scar I had on my Breast, from the lumpectomy was no longer an issue. My perspective had changed and my priorities had shifted. Now I knew that losing my breast would be a small price to pay, for saving my life.
The whole experience took me beyond the surface and right to the heart of the matter. I’d always been an avid talker, but now I wanted to leave nothing unsaid. I said, “I love you” a lot more and expressed how much I cared for those close to me. I hugged more, wrote more appreciation cards and made a real effort not to forget any special occasions. I was not going to let fear disrupt my joy of life.
It was time for me to fight and win this battle, even if it meant leaving some battle scars behind. Scars, which now serve as, a daily reminder of how precious my life really is. I couldn’t help but feeling hopeful about the future.
Even when… my Mother and I heard from the oncologist that they feared the worst, there was suspicious spotting on my lungs. The particular type of cancer I had, generally didn’t spread to the lymph nodes, but instead grew into the chest wall and then in to the lungs. If it was already in my lungs then there was nothing else that they would be able to do for me, because chemotherapy wasn’t effective on this type of cancer. So even more tests were done and more doctors were brought in for a conference, regarding my situation.
It was during this time specifically that I realized my journey through breast cancer was split into four different parts. I was on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual journey. Some days I was not doing so well physically but was doing great spiritually. Other days I was doing well physically but not emotionally. Sometimes it was hard to answer the question, “How are you?” because I had four different answers to the question, and many people just didn’t want to take the time to listen. I did have many people in my life who were willing to listen and when I’d talked their ears off, I’d book an appointment with my counselor, he had to listen…After all, I was paying him too! I’ve always had the “gift of the gab”, when I was little my Dad use to pull people’s leg, when they’d question the origin of my name, “Feather” he’d tell them that my native Indian name is “Talks-a-lot”.
Fortunately for me, the spotting on my lungs turned out to be second hand smoke damage, due to my working in the restaurant business while putting myself through college. I’d continuing on at it, as a weekend job after school as a weekend job. The doctors had been confused because on my chart it showed that I was never a smoker and that I was a fitness instructor. Needless to say we were all very much relieved. So, I quit my serving job and my lungs were clear the following year.
The group of Doctors that they had brought together for the conference unanimously decided that it was in my best interest to have a modified radical mastectomy of the left breast, followed by radiation. I was totally fine with the decision, as I had made the same decision on my own, based on all that I had learned. Each type of Breast Cancer has its own set of characteristics, and there are dozens of different kinds! The kind that I had, if caught early enough, could be completely eradicated with the radical surgery. They wouldn’t actually know, until they got in there and started removing all of the necessary tissue, whether or not I would need radiation to follow. It ended up that I made the personal decision to NOT have radiation. There are many decisions to be made along the way, all of them very personal.
While I awaited surgery, I read up on Breast reconstruction surgery and I was referred to a plastic surgeon in Vancouver. The nurses at the Clinic said that they had seen his work and that he was the best as far as they were concerned. I wanted the best for myself and for my future husband, whoever that ended up being. Speaking of my husband, Chris Janz, this is the point in my story where he likes me to publicly thank my plastic surgeon for a job well done. I actually met Chris five years ago when he and I both volunteered for the Terry Fox run in our town, I was speaking and he was singing. We’ve taken on many projects together since then; our latest project will be completed in about 4 months, when we greatly anticipate the arrival of our first child. I wouldn’t change anything about my journey because it has brought me to where I am today. I feel very blessed and I can honestly say that my diagnosis of breast cancer has ended up being one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I had a interesting incident occur recently that reminded me that my life is on the right path, when I found out that the due date for my baby is, March 10th, the exact same day that I was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years before.
Anyway, back to my breasts…together with my doctor, we decided what was the best reconstructive option for me. I then made another very personal decision to under go Breast reconstruction surgery. My decision to have breast reconstruction had less to do with body image and more to do with taking back my future. My plastic surgeon was present for the mastectomy, he assured me that if he was there, and then everything would turn out a little more aesthetically pleasing.
Immediately following the mastectomy, he put in place a tissue expander, so when I awoke from surgery, the void of where my breast had been was filled. I fully intended on having a future, though at the time things were still uncertain.
I was hopeful that I was going to have a future in which, to tell my story of victory in my battle. My father expressed his hope for me in a round about way, when I was staying with my parents for a few days after my mastectomy. He did so by walking into the room and saying,
“Now you can join the ranks of the Amazon Warrior Women, who lop off their one breast, as to be better archers and victorious in battle.”
And with that he walked right back out of the room.
I understood that what he was trying to say was that he was hopeful that I was going to have victory in my battle.
Another person in my life, that brought me much encouragement, was a young woman from my church, who was also a Breast Cancer patient, Cindi. Cindi and I bonded instantly and became very good friends, “Bosom Buddies”. Cindi shared the same vision of hope that I had, she was a SURVIVOR even when she was told that she was terminally ill. Cindi, the mother of a young son, just newly married, fought her battle against Breast Cancer so bravely, and peacefully but sadly lost, just after her thirty-fifth birthday, six and a half years ago.
Statistics show that Breast cancer is the number one killer of women, in Canada, between the ages of thirty-five and forty-nine. Statistically Cindi lost her life to Breast cancer at the age of thirty-five, but what the statistics don’t tell is that Cindi found the lump herself at the age of twenty-nine, and she went to three doctors who told her all the same things that were said to me. She finally had to pay a plastic surgeon to do a biopsy when she was thirty-one, just to discover that she was in advanced stages of Breast Cancer. She fought for four years and at the end she asked me to share her story, hoping that it may save another woman’s life.
It was then six and a half years ago, that I received my cancer-free diagnosis, just ten days before Cindi’s passing. Even through her passing she was able to give me hope, and the honor of sharing her story.
I also found hope in the love, support and prayers of my family and friends. I went for counseling, got involved in volunteer work through the Canadian Cancer Society and joined a local support group. Even though I was the youngest woman in the support group by twenty years, it was great to have others who knew exactly what I was talking about. We shared our knowledge and experience and inadvertently educated each other and helped each other.
I found that the more I talked about my personal experience with Breast Cancer the more hope I had. So I decided that I would take every opportunity I was given to talk about it, whether it was one-on-one or to a large group, I was willing to make myself available. I found that by sharing my story I could actually make a difference and I knew, that if by telling my story I could help save even one life, then it would have all been worth it!
In doing so, I was recognized by our local Fraser Valley Branch of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. They realized that I shared the same vision as them, to bring hope in spite of fear through education, prevention and awareness. They took me, Feather, under their wing, and trained me to be a Breast-Self-Examination Instructor. From that point on I wasn’t only sharing my story but also the knowledge that I had gained. I was able to give everyone a piece of hope that Breast Cancer can be beaten.
I wanted to focus on educating young women, as early as their high school years. The Fraser Valley Branch of the CBCF was already moving in that direction and all I had to do was step in. I have had the wonderful opportunity of training thousands of young ladies how to do their BSE effectively. I’ve encouraged them to not be afraid to talk about it with their friends and loved ones at home and for it to become a habit that they get use to doing every month.
With this life saving tool, we’ll see lives being saved and statistics changed. There have been many controversial studies being released in the media, as of late, stating that Breast Self-Examination is ineffective. My answer to that is quite simple, “I know that BSE saves lives, because I am living proof!” Ask any of the tens of thousands of breast cancer survivors alive today because they found their own lump through BSE and I’m sure they will all say that BSE is very effective! There isn’t a single doctor out there that wouldn’t say that it’s important for women to know their own bodies, and that includes their breasts. When a woman knows what is normal for her breasts, only then will she notice any changes. And the best way for a woman to know what is normal for her own breasts is to practice regular Breast Self-Examinations. We can not depend on our doctors to know what is normal for us, that is our responsibility but it is also our responsibility to have an annual Clinical breast exam done by a physician and to follow the recommended guidelines for mammography. There are many women who would rather just not know about or follow any of these recommended guidelines because they are afraid that if they look they’ll find something! Well, that’s basically the entire point. IF there’s something to be found, it’s better to find it sooner then later. We know that early detection of Breast cancer is giving life and it’s the best way, to save lives. Early detection of breast cancer can result in survival rates greater than 85%.
Unfortunately at this point there is no cure for breast cancer, so we have to do all we can to prevent so many lives being lost. In Canada alone last year we had almost six thousand of our women lose their lives to Beast Cancer and there are thousands more living with Breast Cancer, right now, that don’t even know it! Then there are the other thousands of women going through that battle right now. Breast cancer accounts for 30% of all cancers in women and 18% of all cancer deaths.
59% of new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women over 60 years of age, but breast cancer diagnosis and deaths among women under 40 is on the rise globally. When I attended the World Breast Cancer Conference this past June, which was attended by over 1000 delegates from over 80 countries, we learnt some startling worldwide breast cancer statistics. There are 1 million new cases of breast cancer in the world per year, with an estimated 3.9 million women living with breast cancer. Breast cancer is the number one cancer for women worldwide. We need a cure for breast cancer. I would love nothing more than for the child I am carrying to grow up in a world where breast cancer is a disease of the past.
Conclusion:
Once I knew that my cancer had been caught early enough to save my life, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I wanted to bring hope to women who feared Breast Cancer. I learned that by gaining hope I was able to alleviate my fear, and that my hope was obtained through knowledge and education. I want to do my part in educating women to learn about BSE, early detection and for them to take responsibility for their
own breast health. I speak out every opportunity that I’m given, whether it is to businesswomen in their work place,
Mothers in their homes,
to high schoolgirls in their classrooms
or to all of you here today.
I want all of you women here today to recognize that you are at risk, breast cancer does not discriminate against anyone!! This is a very real disease, which will directly affect one in nine women here today, with a personal diagnosis in their lifetime. I want all of you here today, to leave here knowing that the only thing worse than finding a lump, is not finding it. I urge each and every one of you to continue doing your part, in this fight against breast cancer, and I promise to do mine! Thank-you.
|
my fight I my experience I breast cancer facts I run for the cure I Easy Living Magazine I BREAST-FEEDINGI Contact Me |